Saturday, November 29, 2008

a bad dream

I had a dream that I've had before~

and in it, my father is fucking me, fucking me, and I am insane; I am running to friends saying "something is wrong, I feel it and I can't shake it, what is happening to me?" and then I remember, my father and I had sex, he wanted to show me how it could be done right, and I agreed, so it's partially my fault. He couldn't keep it up, and I kept wondering what was wrong with the situation, but I let it continue and let my father stick his wrinkly Pepperidge-farm sausage dick in me. It smells sickly and wet.

End dream, and I don't remember it until later in the day. I tell my friends and they don't seem to realize how upsetting this is to me. It's not like I think this is a memory, but why don't they understand how I feel?

I realize why I had this dream, and realizing why doesn't help. At the same time I fear I don't know the real reason why; that the real reason is staring me in the face and there's nothing I can do but swallow it eventually.

2 comments:

Nycea said...

I dreamt that my brother was raping me once and my mom just stood there and wouldn't do anything even though I was crying out. Yeah, it never happened, but that doesn't mean it wasn't really REALLY upsetting.

amnesiac said...

That's....awful.